shawn stonbraker 2
Well-Known Member
I know this had to have been posted before but I think it's funny enough to post again. I've gotten this e-mail before and it still had tears running down my face. If you haven't seen this yet enjoy.
> >Texas Chili Contest
> > >
> > >If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no
> > >hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read
> > >this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the
> > >reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have
> > >lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili
> > >Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a
> > >major
> > >portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was
> > >an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from
> > >Minneapolis, MN.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
> > >cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
> > >happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
> > >directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
> > >assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
> > >wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
> > >free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very
> > >mild.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You
> > >could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put
> > >the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> > >seriously.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
> > >what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people
> > >who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. ! They had to rush in
> > >more beer when they saw the look on my face.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
> > >feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
> > >now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
> > >back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
> > >****-faced from all of the beer.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
> > >or ther mild foods, not much of a chili.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- I felt something
> > >scraping across my tongue, but was
> > >unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
> > >beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB
> > >woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm
> > >eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
> > >adding co
> >Texas Chili Contest
> > >
> > >If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no
> > >hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read
> > >this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the
> > >reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have
> > >lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili
> > >Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a
> > >major
> > >portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was
> > >an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from
> > >Minneapolis, MN.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
> > >cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
> > >happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
> > >directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
> > >assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
> > >wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
> > >free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very
> > >mild.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You
> > >could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put
> > >the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
> > >seriously.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure
> > >what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people
> > >who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. ! They had to rush in
> > >more beer when they saw the look on my face.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose
> > >feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by
> > >now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the
> > >back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting
> > >****-faced from all of the beer.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
> > >
> > >Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
> > >or ther mild foods, not much of a chili.
> > >
> > >Judge # 3 -- I felt something
> > >scraping across my tongue, but was
> > >unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
> > >beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB
> > >woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm
> > >eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
> > >
> > >Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
> > >adding co
