DRUG PROBLEM, How true it is.............

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I tire of some who are out there just waiting for the next arguement.
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The Internet Sophists lie in wait, stalking their prey.... :(



Corporal Discipline never hurt anyone. I'd elaborate more, but someone will semanticize the speech and play with it to no end, and as fun as I find that, too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing.
 
My parents spanked me when I was a kid. I'm an Eagle Scout, in college, hold a steady job, and live a lot better life than many of the "Christians" I know.



I plan on spanking my kids when they misbehave.
 
My 5 year old had a caniption when i took a bite of his cheese macaroni last night. I asked for a bite and he said no so i took a bite. He started screaming like he had just gotten his hand cut off, jumping up and down and just basically went nuts, he ahd a tantrum! I grabbed his arm smacked his butt so he felt it and sent him to his room!!!! He cried like he lost a puppy but 5 minutes later he was fine!!! We talked about him not sharing and how he always takes my gatorades, pizza bites my chapstick or whatever it is I have, and I have no problem... He understood gave me a kiss and that was that!!!



Joseymack
 
Josey said:



Though a tantrum is never a nice thing and screaming isn't the way a child should handle a situation, I am a little confused by one thing.



You said:
I asked for a bite and he said no so i took a bite.
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Seems to me that you might be partially to blame. Why ask if you are just going to take it anyway? Why ask if "No" isn't an acceptable answer that the child can give, and if they do give an answer of "no" why not respect that?



Sure, your son is only 5 and he should obey you BUT he is developing a sense of what is yours, and what is his, and you seemed to have confused things in that fundamental area.



Just "food" for thought.



TJR
 
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Gary, thanks for the clarification.



I grew up with kids for whom getting a "whipping" from their parents meant, literally, getting a whipping--they'd show up at school with blood stain lines soaking through across the backs of their shirts. They wouldn't change out of their pants and long-sleeved shirts for phy ed because they didn't want others to see the welts, cuts, and bruises. And this was a time and community where, when something like this happened, it was considered acceptable parenting by the conservative majority, and was considered (also by the conservative majority) a reason to outcast, chastize, and villify anyone who dared to try to speak up against such acts by the conservative majority. So needless to say, people didn't use the term "whipping" as exaggerated hyperbole the way you are seeming to do.
 
Seems to me that you might be partially to blame. Why ask if you are just going to take it anyway? Why ask if "No" isn't an acceptable answer that the child can give, and if they do give an answer of "no" why not respect that?
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I'm not saying spoil your kids, but even at 5 there are times when you should respect their space. Teasing is not nice, they get enough of that at school. Teaching kids not to say "No" can be a bad thing when someone wants to take their pants off and play doctor.



Back to the drug thing, I went to high school in the 70's, granted it was a relatively small school with about 200 in each grade, and most of the place was mellowed on weed. There were no fights or friction between any of the groups at the time. The stoners, gearheads, jocks, preppies, pretty much everyone was toked up except for the few brainy kids at the top of the class and we didn't go shooting people over it. If you cruised town in the early evening with your parking lights on, that was the signal that you had some weed to share.

Fact 1: I was not a brainy kid at the top of the class. :cool:

Fact 2: If my kids do half the stuff I did when I was their age, I'll kill them dead. They have been informed of this. Junior has had his drivers license for about 9 months and gotten two speeding tickets already. The apple does not fall far from the tree. :lol:
 
FEAR.........It's a powerful tool ! I never knew what my Father would do if I did something really bad......and didn't want to find out.



buzz



p.s......Yes, I capitalized Father for a reason. As the years pass by, I respect this man more and more for what my brothers and I have grown to be. Thanks, Dad. (wish I could have told him more)
 
I think you handled it very well Joseymack. I mean, how many times do littler kids yell "no"? Your teaching him to have respect for others and not be selfish. Your not teaching him it's okay to say "no" any time they feel like it.
 
Tom T, I disagree. TJR is right on this. The lesson being taught isn't that he shouldn't be selfish. The lesson being taught is that when someone (in this case, josey) wants something, and the person possessing it indicates they are not OK with it being taken, then it's still OK to reach in and take it anyway.



Let's face it: If the shoe was on the other foot--That is, if josey's son wanted something off of josey's plate, asked permission to take it, josey had said "no", and his son had taken it anyway, he likely would have been punished. But these exact same actions are what josey, his role model, did.



josey, you did say that "he always takes my gatorades, pizza bites my chapstick or whatever it is I have, and I have no problem"--but that is a different situation, because you did not indicate disapproval when he asked if he could take them. (I'm presuming he asked permission to take those items in those situations. If he didn't, then that is an issue that should have been dealt with at that time as well. Simply put, he needs to learn that it's unacceptable for either him or his father to take things without both asking and being given permission first.)



Sorry, but if you intentionally give the child the ability to set a boundary (as you did when you asked if you could have a bite), and then you violate that boundary, I can't blame him for being upset about it. (I will agree with everyone that his response was inappropriate and needed to be dealt with accordingly, but that's a separate issue.)



He won't learn to respect others' boundaries if his role model doesn't respect others' boundaries.
 
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I also went to high school in the 70's, and most of the kids were NOT toked up all the time. It was considered pretty stupid to most of us. Smoking was the biggest problem at our school.
 
TJR my answer to "why did I ask" is I just expected him to give me a bite.... When he said no, I did ask "why not", and he could not give me an answer. I also think sometimes you have to be a bit demanding on certain issues like sharing. Don't get me wrong he is still my little baby boy but he was just being a little weener! .... I am sort of a firm dad and the whole tantrum threw me for a loop.... Maybe you are right though in that i could have explained to him the rules for sharing in our household, and gave him another chance which I eventually did. My thing was his tantrum- he is a very smart and bright little boy and he knows that type of behaviour was totally unacceptable. Anyway we are cool, he still loves me and vice versa.



Joseymack
 
My Mom disciplined us the old fashion way. Her hand, hot wheel tracks and the belt. Me and my brother deserved it most of the time...LOL



I spanked my daughter twice between 3 and 5. Both times I knocked off her feet and felt bad for doing it. After that it was easy to reason with her. Both times were tantrums. I can only remember a couple of other times she has done that since.



After that if she needed discipline I would just give her the stink eye and she would stop. I even told her Grand Pa to stop the spanking before I lay him out for doing it.



Her Mom, my ex wife, likes to yell at her, where I'd rather converse with her on why she is acting they way she does without raising my voice.



She is now a 9th grader in high school. Straight A's, taking honors english and math. Also, plays on the girls BB team. I guess she turned out ok so far.
 
TomT, (others)



One of the most important lessons we have to be able to teach our children is that "No means NO!" and when someone tells you "NO" you should respect that.



As a parent today the one thing that irks me about today's youth is the seeming need to discuss and debate the situation when they are told "No!"



It used to be "Because I said so!" was a perfectly good parental reason. All the parenting books of today say that's unacceptable these days. I'm always willing to discuss things with my kids and give them the reasons and rationale behind our decisions. However, kids often confuse that discussion with a negotiation. As I said, I'm willing to discuss, but not negotiate, at least not on the important stuff.



So, I read what Josey said and thought to myself: "How can we tell our kids 'No' if they can't do the same to us?"



TJR



 
TJR sometimes we are so analytical in our approaches to children. I say to each his own My approach with being reasonable just is not good enough, My 5 year old is like I was and too stubborn for his own good (like his mom). Sometimes you just gotta be firm!

I see kids from the "time out family" doing drugs along with the kids who get beat and the kid who gets tough love or whatever, it has alot to do with values i guess. Seattle made me laugh about the hotwheel tracks cause that was what my mom used to do.... ha haaaaa I still love mom though and we DID deserve it... There are certain things where I feel it is ok to discuss and reason, but I also feel there are times when it's ok to just do what I say or else!!!

Do we really need to reason with them about EVERYTHING?

Does that sound bad I suppose it does but that is my approach. I am a dad not a friend.... Now before anyone gets all uptight keep in mind this is only during certain situations, I am also a great loving dad, buddy ect ect ect for 90% of the time....



joseymack
 
Hey, Josey, don't get me wrong. As long as your intent was to teach your son about sharing then I am sure all is good. But as originally written it sounded like you were giving your son some conflicting life lessons. You cleared that up in your earlier reply.



TJR
 
josey--what TJR said. :) "I am sure all is good. But as originally written it sounded like you were giving your son some conflicting life lessons. You cleared that up in your earlier reply."
 
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