Funny for Tuesday - kinda long

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Jake Levin

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Achievement: You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

Adversity: That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

Agony: Not all pain is gain.

Ambition: The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly

Apathy: If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us.

Arrogance: The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.

Beauty: If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

Bitterness: Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

Blame: The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Burnout: Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

Change: It's a short trip from riding the waves of change to being torn apart by the jaws of defeat.

Change (winds): When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can become deadly projectiles.

Cluelessness: There are no stupid questions, but there are a LOT of inquisitive idiots.

Compromise: Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be

Conformity: When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Consulting: If you're not a part of the solution,there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Dare to Slack: When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

Defeat: For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

Delusions: There is no greater joy than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.

Demotivation: Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Despair: It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Destiny: You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.

Discovery: A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.

Disloyalty: There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.

Disservice: It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... the good news is that we should run out of them in no time.

Do it Later: The early worm is for the birds.

Doubt: In the battle between you and the world, bet on the world.

Dreams: Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature in all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Effort: Hard work never killed anybody, but it is illegal in some places.

Elitism: It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Failure: When your best just isn't good enough.

Fear: Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea

Flattery: If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.

Futility: You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

Get To Work: You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

Goals: It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.

Hazards: There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.

Humiliation: The harder you try, the dumber you look.

Idiocy: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Ignorance: It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

Incompetence: When you earnestly<
 
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