EddieS'04
In Memoriam 1950-2022
Dearest Redneck Son,
>
> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
> where we did when you left home.
>
> Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of
> your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the
> last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they
> moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
>
> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about
> it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them
> since.
>
> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
> for three days and the second time for four days.
>
> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be
> too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and
> put them in the pockets.
>
> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
> it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
>
> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet
> so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
> The baby looks just like your brother.
>
> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
> him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned
> for three days.
>
> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
> driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
> friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
> tailgate down.
>
> There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
> happened.
>
> Your Favorite Aunt,
>
> Mom
>
> I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
> where we did when you left home.
>
> Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of
> your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the
> last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they
> moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
>
> This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about
> it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them
> since.
>
> The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
> for three days and the second time for four days.
>
> About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be
> too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and
> put them in the pockets.
>
> Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
> it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
>
> Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet
> so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
> The baby looks just like your brother.
>
> Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
> him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned
> for three days.
>
> Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was
> driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
> friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
> tailgate down.
>
> There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
> happened.
>
> Your Favorite Aunt,
>
> Mom
