Joke of the day

[Gavin Allan]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.



"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears.



"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."



"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man?and then my dog bit me."



"So . . . I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison slowly dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!....But hell... enough about me... how ya doin???









:banana::banana::banana:

 

[Richard L]

:bwahaha::bwahaha:



...Rich

 

[Gavin Allan]

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.

They stopped.

George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Troopers and he says, "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that there railin'?"

She says "I'm going to commit suicide!"

George says "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, how about you give ol' George here your best goodbye kiss?"

Without hesitation, she leaned back over the rail and did just that. And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss plus a few more real wet ones. George gets cheers of approval from his biker-buddies, onlookers, and even the State Troopers.

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you got there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

 

[Gavin Allan]

A woman goes to the Doctor with concerns over her husband's temperament. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?



The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."



The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."



Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The woman says: ?Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"



The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick...