Whats a dad to do:(

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You are doing a lot for your kids.



My parents take on having a reliable car after graduation was giving me the 10 year old family clunker and some money to fix it up once. All I really needed and it was cheap to insure without collision. Some of my friends had new cars and their insurance payments matched the payments their parents were paying on the new car.



They also gave me a set amount that got me started in college and told me to work and take student loans for the rest. My other sister had school bills approaching 6 figures but it was all in her name and responsibility. Being a pharm major she will be able to pay it off.



What is the result on shifting more of the burden on the kids and giving them responsibility? My paents were empty nesters in their mid 40s and free and clear of financial obligations racked up by their kids. We are surviving and thriving and they shower us once in a blue moon with some extra money.



I currently am a DINK but all most of my friends kids are nearing college or are becoming twixters and this trend is disturbing me. It throws a monkey wrench into retirement plans.
 
I suppose what I can offer is what my folks have done with the 4 of us. By the time we were on our own,20 or so, even if we lived at home. They kept a book of $$ borrowed. When times were good they expected what payment we could afford. I have been caught up for years personaly. Dont know about my siblings, not my bussiness. If anything is owed when the day comes to execute their will it is entered as a deduction for that sibling. Sounds fair to me..
 
I would take care of the bill one last time, and tell her that since she will be out of school soon, she is on her own regarding these money issues from now on. She is am adult now afterall and it is now her time to be responsible for her own actions.



My daughter is 16 and was coddled and babied the first 13 years before she came to live with me. Her mom was even laying out her clothes for her and allowed her to make no decisions for herself. I am trying to let her make more decisions for herself, and it is sometimes painful, since she sometimes makes dumb choices. However, it is necessary for her to do this, because as I told her once before my cell phone won't help her when I am in the grave.
 
Wow.. Harsh Gavin..

Bill - I believe if you have the means, help her out.. It sounds like she is busting her butt to get outta school and all the accidents you listed seemed very minor.. I do agree with the other's in that she should attend a driving school. Just my two cents.
 
Obviously you don't have a daughter Gavin or you would know every daughter has their Dad wrapped around their finger. I know mine does. :)
 
bikes are easy to maintain, do not need to be insured, cheap @ the pump, and best of all if you get into a minor collision you learn your lesson pretty fast!!



As long as you did your job when she was younger (it sounds like you are a great father) she should already know how to ride one!



I figure you have given her many chances to improve and I'm sure you've had many talks with her about this issue. Perhaps its time she stops living beyond her means.



Sure, she sounds like a great girl with her head on straight (I'm only 24 and god knows its hard to find those girls these days), but if she cant get her head in the game when shes driving sooner or later she'll either be taking a life or losing hers.



Lets face it, shes probably distracted while driving, either texting or talking on a cell, changing music, who knows.. But she won't learn her lesson unless you make her accountable for her actions.
 
Would rather have her in a car with airbags, ABS and some sheetmetal, than riding a bike 6 miles thru downtown traffic at 6 AM to get to class.

Yea gavin she was spoiled Rotten, she was givin the oppertunity to go thru 12 years of private school and 6 yrs of college, and yes we will reap what we have sown.

A well educated woman that can make it thru her own life by herself, thats important in the world today, more than ever.
 
Bill Barber,



No one here is going to argue with the "Well educated" aspect. Sounds like you have that covered well.



However, ask yourself: Is your daughter really ready to "make it thru her own life by herself?" That is kind of what I meant when describing the "twixter" definition.



I suggest you be introspective when considering if your daughter is ready to be on her own, and consider what you can and should do in the next few months to prepare here.



From the little I can glean from this thread I sense you are a great dad. However, let's review what you are saying you have done and what your daughter has experienced:



- twelve years of private school



- a fully paid for new car as a gift



- paying for your daughter's car insurance



- fixing numerous car wrecks for your daughter with little perceived repercussion (from what I am sensing)



- fully paying for an expensive college education for 6 years.



To be fair, your daughter worked part-time, sounds like a great person and a great student, which are all noble things.



However, with the list as I read it, I question if it really befits a 23 or 24 year old adult child that is ready to be "on her own, in the real world?"



Again, I don't know you, or your daughter and I don't meant to offend you. Congratulations on getting her this far.



I hope that it works out for you going forward and she can make it on her own.



TJR



 
Introspective?

Tell ya what TJR, my other two kids made it on there own, so will this one, she has not lived at home in 5 yrs.

My wife and I were fortunate to be able provide what we considered important.

The 3 kids were not stairstep kids I:E 4-6-and.8, or even 8-10-and 12.

could not imagine at todays rates worrying about college.

But community college is great and cheap if they go in the state you live in.

There is grant money for children that excell in school (we applied for at least 50 and never got a dime, because of our joint income, today we would qualify no problem.

But the kid has to have a high 10 percentile grade average or belong to an ethnic group other than caucasion (no Joke)

I was always a doting father to the last of the last, but I was also a staunch disaplenarian, thats why she left the nest when she was 18.

She also realizes that when she graduates and gets a job, her support net is over as she has been told, you sink or swim, is no other option.

Is time for mom and I to spread our wings and have some fun, the umbilicus will be finally severed.
 
Obviously you don't have a daughter Gavin or you would know every daughter has their Dad wrapped around their finger. I know mine does.
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Ha! No, I don't have any kids. Like DessertFox, my parents went through hell with their kids, and I sure don't want to have any trouble like they had. My parents had three little bastards that were always getting into trouble, breaking things, and who underachieved compared to what they could have done if they put their minds to it.



Bill: You sound like a great dad who has been blessed and who has his priorities in the right spot (family). I'm sure she will turn out fine no matter what you choose to do about the car. As a matter of practicality, do you really want a wreck parked on your driveway when she comes to visit?:( I didn't think so. Better get it fixed for her! :lol:
 
Ha! No, I don't have any kids. Like DessertFox, my parents went through hell with their kids, and I sure don't want to have any trouble like they had. My parents had three little bastards that were always getting into trouble, breaking things, and who underachieved compared to what they could have done if they put their minds to it.
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Are you child number 4 or one of the underachieving little bastards? :lol:
 
Sounds like she will be fine, eventually.



You gave her the tools to succeed.



She will make more mistakes as she enters the work force, finds a husband, has her own kids, etc but in the end what you (and your wife) have done for her and taught her will pay dividends.
 
BillBarber,



As I said, way to go.



Our oldest goes off to school in 3 years. We don't have nearly enough saved for him. With 9th grade and several honors courses under his belt he already has a 4.14/4.0 GPA. But he is cursed because he is white and his parents make good money so he won't see a dime in financial aid or needs-based grants. So, for him/us, our options are limited in the college financial area. We will have save enough to pay for at least 1/2 of each of our children's higher education, assuming 4 years at top-notch schools, but that's about it.



TJR
 

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