Your thoughts on parents drug testing their teens??

[Tom Schindler]

32 M, no kids.



How is drug testing anything different then searching the kids room while they are not at home? How is it any different then listening in on their phone calls?



Trust between parents and children is critical. I had no desire to do any type of drug growing up. It just wasn't me. My parents always made sure they knew who I was hanging out with and if it was somebody mom, or dad, felt was bad news, they let me know.





Tom

 

[walter clark]

36 M & 37 Wife 17F & 13F kids



I wouldnt just test for the heck of it but if any suspicions or doubts and you feel after some interaction (intergation) and investigation (snooping) that your gut still tells you there is still smoething amiss. Yes I would test and to hell with hurt feelings and all that other stuff cause in the end as they become adults they will relize that you had there best welfare at hart. I belive that a parents gut is usealy a good indaciator of whats going on. I also thing though you should talk alot and check into things before making this final step as it will be difficult. I wouldnt even be afraid to directly confront my kids and thell them my suspicions then ask them if they deny it to explain so that you may be put at ease. Often if you keep them talking and there is untruth it will come out, often in the form of conflicting anwsers. good luck. And yes I listen in on my kids calls.. And yes I snoop through there stuff. And yes I critize there friends. THERE KIDS NOT ADULTS and as such they are my responsability. As a loveing father I realy dont care if they never speak to me as adults as long as I know I have done my duty and raised a intellegent, law abiding, working , decent members of socitey then I have fullfiled my part of responsability.



PS and yes I even spank them when nessary..... AMEN

 

[Gavin Allan]

Lots of good comments here. It is apparent that Trac'ers make good parents!



Seriously, parents have a duty to be good parents or find someone who can.



I don't see anything wrong with parents drug-testing their kids, same as searching their room, monitoring their cell phones, internet use, etc. Parents need to be parents.



However, I am not saying parents need to be bullies or so restrictive that they cannot maintain good rapport with their kids.



I have more and more respect for my own parents each day. I realize that they may not have always been perfect, but they always did the best they could, and they always wanted the very best for me.



44, M, no children (35 year old disabled stepson, however)

 

[Jim Reeves]

I have a 13 year old daughter. I stay involved in her life, and talk to her everyday. My wife and I are involved in her school (She's an Honor Roll student) and attend Church with her several times a week. We have what I believe to be a very good relationship. We talk about drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, and right and wrong. We are a family. We eat most of our meals together, and help her with her homework. The only way I would ever consider drug testing her would be if I had a very good reason to believe she was using drugs and she denied it. I would do anything I thought I needed to, to ensure her health and well being, because I'm her father, and that's my job. The best thing you can do for your kids is love them and set a good example for them. It's just plain stupid to tell your kids not to drink or smoke or have premarital sex while you are holding a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other and shacking up with your girlfriend. My daughter has a mother and a father who love her very much. I treat my wife with respect, not only because she deserves it, but also because I want my daughter to see how she should be treated. I'm sorry but people who try to be their kid's "friend" by letting them drink at home are not only breaking the law, but are doing their children a great disservice. Be their parent, not their friend. Set a good example, stay involved, spend time just talking with them, and by all means love them no matter what.

I'm certainly no expert (but neither are Oprah and Dr. Phil, and it's scary how many people listen to their drivel and take it as gospel!) and you have every right to your opinion, but this is mine.



M/45-F/13

 

[Jenn D]

You are a parent, not a friend....or at least it should be that way. I knew someone who came from a loving home, with parents who were VERY involved in their children's lives. She was an honor student and athlete, but had questionable friends. Her parents did suspect use and did have the school randomly drug test her.



I attended her funeral 3 years ago. She died of a drug overdose. It goes to show even good kids from loving, caring families can go bad. I personally believe that as a parent you are better off helping keep your kids away from the bad kids(i.e. choosing their friends from a young age), more so than keeping them away from the bad 'things' specifically. Mainly because YOU may not allow it, but that friend's parents may allow it (as someone here mentioned that their parent's let them drink at a young age and insisted that anyone else who did with them stay over).



Personally, I don't plan on having kids. Raising a kid in today's society scares the crap out of me. Kudos to all you parents out there that have been and are successful. You are stronger than I.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Jenn D says:

Personally, I don't plan on having kids. Raising a kid in today's society scares the crap out of me. Kudos to all you parents out there that have been and are successful. You are stronger than I.

Though I support whatever your desire is Jenn D, please don't be programmed by the mass media and news media hype about how bad our society is today.



When compared to 20 or 30 years ago, crime statistics today are lower now than then, including rape, murder, incest, child molestation, etc.



It's really not such a bad time to live or to bring children into the world...and yes, I am a parent, and I think simply being a parent makes one eternally optimistic.

 

[Richard L]

I think any enlightened parent should be able to pick up the signs and signals of a teenager who has gotten involved in drugs even if you don't actually find drug paraphernalia



You will notice a rapid change in their usual behavior. Grades will start to drop, They will want to spend more time in their rooms or out of the house with friends you may not even know. They will want to drop out of nealy all family related activities.



I personally feel that those are the signs that should trigger an immediate response from the parent. The parent/s should sit the kid down for a very serious talk and lay the cards on the table. You need to find out why the kid is acting that way if they are not involved with drugs.

I would tell them that you will not tolerate their use of drugs and their unusual behavior. The will loose some privacy rights and will not be able to make excuses for not attending family related activities. Theat means walking into their room unannounced, checking up and verifying they are going where they say they are going.



If that does not change their behavior, or you find they are lying or being deceitful, then I would demand drug testing.



If drug testing does not reveal that they are using drugs, then they probably need some phycolgical help. If the drug test reveal that they are using drugs, then they probably need professional help to evaluate the extent of their problem and whether inpatient or outpatient treatment will yield the best results.



...Rich

 

[TomT]

21 year old daughter and 16 year old son. Like has been said before, there has to be trust and communication between parents and their kids. If there is none then why the hell did you have kids?

 

[LoriMaury Kimbrough]

When our daughter lived at home, we would have done it had we thought it was necessary. Our daughter was fully aware that we would do it. While we had our fair share of problems with her, she has always been very against drugs and alcohol..still is today.



39/F 19/F

 

[Jeff C]

Again, if the kid doesn't want to take the test, why not? I'd probably have less trust for someone who doesn't want to take the test and really is clean than someone who does take the test and is clean.

 

[Tom Schindler]

While I do agree with you, would you feel comforable with me, your mother, father, grndmoteher, etc going through your car? Computer? House/Apartment?



I feel a drug test is an invasion of privacy and does nothing but causes mistrust between parents and children.





Tom

 

[Jenn D]

So let me play devil's advocate here. What if you do find something bad out via 'snooping', do two wrongs make a right? What if you are able to intervine in time to help? If you don't 'snoop' you may have never know. There are not always signs. A friend of mine's sister is a user, I would have NEVER guessed. Could it turn into something worse? Sure, but then again it could be recreational....you never know. So if you snooped and found out, is it wrong to help before the possibility of something bad happening and recreation is abuse?

 

[Tom Schindler]

Good points.



You can not help those that want help. As long as a user feel he/she can handle the abuse he/she is doing, there is no proble. Locking a child in a room, watching the kid 24/7, etc. will not prevent or stop the drug abuse. Trust and respect is the best prevention and deterant. Some kids will do what they want to do no matter what you do. Snooping is not the right way to go about it. My opinion.





Tom

 

[Jim Reeves]

I have every reason to trust my daughter. As far as I know she has always been truthful with me. She has shown she is a responsible child. She is well mannered and well behaved. She is also 13 years old, and that means she is inexperienced, limited by her 13 year old reasoning ability, not near as suspicious of others and their intentions as she will be in 10 or 15 years, and much more apt to make mistakes in judgement than a level headed adult might. Therefore, if I have reason to believe that she is doing anything which may cause herself harm, it is my duty as her father to do whatever I need to to protect her at any cost. If that means snooping, going through her stuff, eavesdropping on her conversations, whatever, then I not only will do it, but I have a responsibilty to do it, to protect her. I agree Tom that snooping for snooping's sake is not the way to build trust, but if the decision is whether or not to snoop when your child's health or well-being is in question, then the answer has to be a resounding "YES!", or you are failing as a parent.



For those of you who do not have children, or those that are undecided as to whether they will have them or not, I will give you my $0.02:



Being a parent is the hardest, scariest, most rewarding, most wonderful thing that I have ever done. Best case scenario is 2 loving parents who also love and respect each other and live under one roof. Not that it can't be done single-handedly, as I'm sure there are wonderful single parents out there, but it's gotta be alot tougher, and I wouldn't want to do it.

 

[Nick Smith]

21/M no kids. I think that trust is a big part of a kids life growing up and I think that random drug testing by parents is not a good idea. I think that it should only be done if you have reason to believe that your kid is on drugs and you have exhausted all other options, i.e. talking to them and asking them first. I also think that schools should talk a similar route. I think that they should not just randomly test people but only do it if they have reason to suspect that they are using, i.e. failing grades, but I also think that they should involve the parents in the process. That's just my 2 cents.

 

[Nelson Atwell]

Trust and respect are two key ingredients in ANY relationship. That goes for friendship, parental, marital, business, etc.