Chesapeake parents take stand over teen's grades

[TrainTrac]

These parents in my old stomping grounds of Tidewater, VA have found a new way to motivate their son to achieve good grades. Good for them!:banana:



Just what the heck is a grade of "E" anyway?:huh:

Chesapeake parents take stand over teen's grades



By Duane Bourne

The Virginian-Pilot

February 8, 2009



CHESAPEAKE



How's this for punishment?



Trenton O'Neal stood near a light pole at the intersection of Airline Boulevard and Ahoy Drive in Chesapeake for hours on Saturday, a chest-to-trunk poster board of his bad grades dangling from his neck.



"It sucks," said Trenton, who apparently got the message. "I don't want to be out here again. I know that much."



His parents, fed up by their son's lack of effort, conjured up the idea as a way to get through to the 15-year-old Western Branch High School freshman.



"He hadn't been trying at all," said the Rev. Donald General Jr., pastor of Perfecting Saints Church of God in Christ in Virginia Beach. "He's not even handing in work he does when we supervise him. My wife and I are not going to give up on Tre."



General and his wife, Tanyeil, say there is no excuse for lousy grades, especially since they said they both have several academic degrees.



Fiata Jones stopped by the corner and told the Generals she thought the punishment was proper.



"These kids need to take their grades more seriously," said Jones, whose daughter attends Western Branch. "This has a serious impact and should make other kids think, 'Wow, I don't want my mama doing that.' "



Before Trenton was allowed to put down the sign around 2 p.m., he was greeted by an eighth-grader whose father pulled up in a car.



"What's up, Tre?" the boy said. "They got you out here."



Before Trenton could respond, the boy's father chimed in from the vehicle.



"You want to be beside him?" the man said. "Good. Now, get in the car."

 

[rob chaw]

Good for the parents....

 

[Bill V]

At least he spelled everything correctly on his sign... :lol:



I love the idea!

 

[bud vanhouten]

think the E in this case is next to failing, or F. in some grading systems, it's used as "excellent", but don't think that's the case here. apparantly they grade on an A-B-C-D-E-F system. A being best and F failing.

either way, good for the parents....need more like them.

dutch

 

[Nelson Atwell]

My opinion: Praise in public, punish in private.



There is no reason to subject a kid to embarrassment like this. I have much better ways to motivate my daughter, and she isn't embarrassed in the process. The parents here have the right idea, but the wrong approach. I'm afraid that the sign is very telling on one way...his future is shaky. His parents suck, and if he fails in life it will be partly because of them.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Public humilation as parental inspiration... I guess if that is a last resort, maybe. Wouldn't be my first choice though.



I'd suspect the kid has no job, has a wardrobe that costs 10x what mine does, has all the latest video game systems, and iPods, etc. Most kids today don't understand how hard it is and how successful you have to be to PAY for all that stuff (without falling into the credit trap).



I'd further suspect that teaching that kid what it takes in life to get all the toys he wants, possibly by taking away some of those toys in the process, might be a better approach.



TJR

 

[TomT]

At least the parents are concerned about him getting a good education. The problem today, especially with blacks, is most parents could care less.

 

[Tom Schindler]

My opinion: Praise in public, punish in private.

Public humilation as parental inspiration... I guess if that is a last resort, maybe. Wouldn't be my first choice though.

No child cmes with instructions and there is no "one" correct method of punishment. What works for you does not work for me.



Having the child be ridiculed in public may be the last straw. Agree or not, it is creative and may be very successful.





Tom

 

[Bill V]

The problem today, especially with blacks, is most parents could care less.

I have to disagree with your choice of the word, "most". I think that's dead wrong.



Are there many such parents? Yes.



Are their quantities far too high? Yes.



Are the quantities and percentages of such parents increasing? I don't have the numbers to back it up, but my gut says Yes.



Do such parents occur more frequently among blacks than among other races? I think there's some regional variation in this regard.



Are the quantities of such parents high enough to qualify for use of the word "MOST"--be it among any particular race, and/or among the population in general? Again, I don't have any numbers--and I would question the source of any such numbers, in either direction, regarding how they are doing the measuring--but my gut says, NOT EVEN CLOSE.

 

[TomT]

Bill V. I'm generalizing based on my own experience. I just report what I have seen. Maybe because I graduated from a predominately minority school, I have witnessed more that most. I CAN back up with statistics that the school I graduated from over 30 years ago has not improved any. Nor has any other local predominately minority school.



All I'm saying is if there were more parents like these than I would think things would be much improved.

 

[TrainTrac]

My opinion: Praise in public, punish in private.

So Nelson, what's your opinion on criminal cases where a judge has sentenced someone to wearing a sandwich board on a public street declaring what crime they committed? Or sex-offender registries? Those are also forms of "public punishment".



Or how about the recruit in boot camp who screws up and the DI punishes the entire group (except for the individual who screwed up), much like Private Pyle in "Full Metal Jacket"?



I believe that there are some instances where "public punishment" is effective, and that peer pressure is also a powerful motivational tool. I'm sure that as a leader in the course of your military career, you've used peer pressure methods to motivate and change behaviors of junior airmen who require some extra "motivation". I know I did with Sailors in my charge during my Navy career, and in most cases, I was successful in helping those Sailors achieve success.

 

[Nelson Atwell]

Actually, outside of basic training the USAF takes a dim view of public humiliation as a form of discipline.

 

[TrainTrac]

Can you say that that's always been that way, or has it evolved over time as political correctness wormed its way into military culture? In my experience, that's what happened in the Navy, triggered largely by the '91 Tailhook fiasco.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Regarding "praise in public, punish in private"...



I've heard the policy before. As a manager of people, I think it is a respectful approach to handling employees. I would expect most parents would want to treat their children just as well.



Do I think that some forms of judge sanctioned public punishment is effective? Sure. I'm all for it...for criminals and law breakers. But as a form of getting your kids to do what you want; NOPE. Not a fan.



TJR

 

[TrainTrac]

TJR said:

Do I think that some forms of judge sanctioned public punishment is effective? Sure. I'm all for it...for criminals and law breakers.

So what if this kid had been convicted of a crime in juvenile court and as punishment the judge had ordered him to stand on a street corner with a sandwich board declaring his crime for say, a week? Would that be OK? If so, then are you saying that judges know better than parents as far as what's best for their children and how to correct negative behavior and motivate them?

 

[Robert Hall]

Maybe the parents should be standing with their son, with their own signs? Are they really doing that well?

 

[Thomas Rogers]

TrainTrac said:

So what if this kid had been convicted of a crime in juvenile court and as punishment the judge had ordered him to stand on a street corner with a sandwich board declaring his crime for say, a week? Would that be OK? If so, then are you saying that judges know better than parents as far as what's best for their children and how to correct negative behavior and motivate them?

It all depends on the offense. This kid's offense is getting bad grades. Parents, IMHO, shouldn't punish children for bad grades but should instead inspire, motivate and guide children to get good grades.



Take my kids for example. They are expected to get good grades. They understand the importance of getting good grades. When they don't get the grades that they we and they know they can (for example, if they get a C when they could have gotten a B, or a B when they could have gotten an A) then we work with them to understand why, and fix the problem. Sometimes the problem is distractions. When that is the problem, we help them by removing distractions (video games, TV, etc). Is that a punishment? Some might say so.



If I had a child the wet the bed, I wouldn't put their pee-soaked and stained sheets out on the front lawn to dry and for the neighbors to see in hopes that it might "shame" my child into changed behavior. No. Instead, I would help them to overcome their issue.



Shame and humiliation are not good motivators to be used by a parent.



Now, a judge, and a crime...I have little compassion for the criminal.



I guess that's the difference, TrainTrac. Parents owe their children (not the other way around) a good, cultivating up-bringing, complete with compassion, love and guidance. Humilation and shame have little purpose in the parental responsibility.



TJR

 

[TrainTrac]

Thanks for clarifying your point of view. You seem to be very involved with your kids and have a genuine interest in their success. So you are very in tune with what motivates them and will take the necessary actions to help them achieve. You have different methods from those of the parents in this story. But I don't think that what they're doing is wrong, because they're still vested in their child's success, as evidenced by the quote:

"He hadn't been trying at all," said the Rev. Donald General Jr., pastor of Perfecting Saints Church of God in Christ in Virginia Beach. "He's not even handing in work he does when we supervise him. My wife and I are not going to give up on Tre."

From their description in the article, the parents seem like intelligent, well-educated, caring parents. If this tactic doesn't work, I'm sure they'll consider alternate ideas. I'd be interested in seeing a follow-up story at the end of the school year to see if this boy's grades improved.

 

[Les]

Parents, IMHO, shouldn't punish children for bad grades but should instead inspire, motivate and guide children to get good grades.

In a perfect world.

"He hadn't been trying at all," said the Rev. Donald General Jr., pastor of Perfecting Saints Church of God in Christ in Virginia Beach. "He's not even handing in work he does when we supervise him. My wife and I are not going to give up on Tre."

Sounds like they have tried any number of things and nothing is getting to this kid.

"It sucks," said Trenton, who apparently got the message. "I don't want to be out here again. I know that much."

This may have finally gotten his attention.

 

[EddieS'04]