Crummy Weekend -- STRESS!

[Nelson Atwell]

Only one bright light in the past week was my promotion...



Bad things:



Fiancee is in Puerto Rico, because her dad is apparently living his last days. This is actually the worst thing, because all other issues are small in comparison. He has been bedridden for a couple of years, so it isn't unexpected. He has suffered a lot.



Thursday -- same day as the promotion, I get orders to Poland!!??...it still seems unreal! I didn't know we had people in Poland. No details available until Friday, since it is late in the day when I find out. This has created a lot of stress regarding what to do with my daughter, the house I bought less than two years ago, and the car I bought TWO WEEKS ago. Sleepness night due to stress.



Friday -- I call Randolph AFB and find out that I can take my daughter and it is a three-year tour. Problem is I am a single dad and the new job requires numerous TDYs per year. Who watches my daughter when I am not in Poland?? The A/C breaks in my house, and the repair places are all closed until Tuesday. Sleepness night due to suffocating heat/humidity and stress.



Saturday -- raining so I can't get anything done. I wash the car early, but the rain wrecks it a few hours later. The rain cools things down a bit so I sleep pretty good, but wake up at 0400 Sunday, and can't sleep because of the stress of everything piling up. Go to church in the evening and feel a little better.



Sunday -- I sleep in and it is gloomy outside. Unmotivated to do anything, and I'm grumpy too. House alarm starts beeping for some reason. I disable the errant zone and an hour later it comes back again. It finally goes off just before bedtime when I set the alarm for the evening.



Labor Day -- Wake up motivated to catch up everything. Head over to my fiancee's to mow her yard. I get there and it is raining...grr! I go back home and decide to cook breakfast. My daughter wants to have pancakes...we're out of mix. I go to the groery store and buy a few things. I get back home and realize I forgot the pancake mix -- back to the grocery. :angry: The weather clears and we decide to go to the local arts fair. We enjoy a couple of hours of music and art. I tell my daughter about the festivals in Europe and how we will be able to drive only 20 minutes to get real German brats. We start back to the car and the clouds open up on us...we get soaked and I am mad again. :angry:



Tomorrow (Tuesday) -- I have to get up extra early to catch the folks in Belgium to find out more details about this new assignment, and whether there will be any Americans at this remote detachment they are sending me to. I have to be back home by 0800 to meet the A/C guy and the alarm guy who may keep me tied up all morning and will likely charge me hundreds of dollars. **STRESS**



I am hoping for good news on the local support in Poland and also hope my A/C issue is covered under warranty.

 

[Chris P]

you did have a bad week/end hope everything gets better

 

[Gerald Pierce]

How to take care of the daughter in Poland? Add more stress -- marry the fiancee and take her with you.



Seriously, sorry to hear about the bad week. I've been on the receiving end of those type of orders and the giving end (perscom). Enjoy the good and try not to let the bad get you down -- we are all here if you need to vent



I've been away for 3 months (and GEO-bacheloring it for another month) and am less than a week from getting to see my family for a week -- get an email Saturday from a friend in New Mexico that my wife is in the hospital ( in VA) having emergency surgery to remove her gall bladder. Couldn't reach the kids on the cell phones (inside the hospital) and had a hard time getting through to the hospital due to poor connections -- then get told that they can't release any info other than she is in recovery due to HIPA laws. All the plans for things to do while home for the week are shot -- but at least the wife is recovering well and is at home now.



Keep your chin up... Look at the good in all of this, you got promoted and get to excel in a new job. Have you got orders to the SNCOA yet? I went in Montgomery AL in 2004 -- had a ball.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

So, Nelson, are you leaning towards taking the Poland assignment and your daughter with you? Sounds like that's an option? I wouldn't worry about your days away...establish a support system ASAP (another family on base?) when you get there, and when that falls through (if it falls through) deal with those situations as they happen. A lot of our stress is caused by time spent worrying about what MIGHT happen. Life is what happens when your making other plans.



Keep your chin up...



TJR

 

[Gavin Allan]

Sorry you had a crappy weekend, Nelson. We all have 'em now and then, so don't feel like you are alone.



Keep praying-- God will show you what to do, and He will be happy to take a lot of the stress from you.



Sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride called LIFE!



I hope it gets much better for you this week, and I hope you get some GOOD SURPRISES too.



Thank you for your service.



Gavin

 

[FlipTrac_511]

That is a lot to take Nelson. Just think of those other bad times in your life and remember how you survived and gotten over them.

 

[Ben Poche]

WOW i htought i had a bad day yesterday when a 36" pipe wrench sliped and hit my leg. I hope things get better Good luck

 

[Nelson Atwell]

cruzrtwdgt -- I'd marry my fiancee tomorrow, but she is a career girl and won't quit her job to follow me. She may lose out this time. I've been waiting 5 years already. I doubt I'll hear anything about SNCOA unless I come close to making E-8. I'm taking it by correspondence currently. I'm glad your wife is doing better.



TJR -- My daughter wants to come with me. She can't stand living with her mom. During last summer they fought nearly every day. Once my daughter even punched her mom when my ex got in her face too much. They will not make it three years together. They can't even do three months. My ex said it took everything for her not to fight back -- she's a brown belt in Shotokan Karate and would seriously injure my daughter if she ever completely lost it.



I'll make it through this. It just sucks a WHOLE LOT right now. I know that once I get there I will have a blast. It is just the part about getting there that hurts.

 

[Rodger Tellefson]

The best thing I can say is - Our Prayers Are With You.

 

[David Sader]

A child has no right to hit her parent , no matter what the provocation.



It is truly too bad that her mother did not "take her down". Your daughter is used to getting her own way when she should actually be given serious limitations. Apparently, she has never been punished. Some parents just want to be "buddies" to their kids instead of being the parents, the "adults". Does tough love ring a bell?



Unfortunately, this seems to be where much of the world is going. The children rule the roost.



God help the next generation. With a few exceptions, it is obvious they are not being taught to help themselves.



Leave your daughter with her mother until she learns to behave herself. She is using you.



Children of divorced parents learn how to play the "game" very early. The know how to play on our guilt. I hope you can step up to the plate and give your daughter the life lesson she needs.



I am almost 65 years old and have personal experience with this scenario, as well as special training in this field. I know of what I speak.



Sorry for the rant. Your story just hit very close to home. You now have a choice, you can save your daughter or you can let her continue to rule.



By the way, thanks very much for serving our country. I am retired Navy and respect what you are doing. If you ever get out to Davis Monthan AFB in Tucson, call on me. I live 40 miles south of the base. I'm there a few times a month using the Commissary and other facilities.





David <><

 

[Nelson Atwell]

I agree with some points David, but you have to know the whole situation. I spoke with my daughter about this. This was a one-time incident and I told her I don't expect it to happen again. I agree there is no excuse.



My ex-wife is a very abusive person. She had fits of rage that scared the hell out of me. She would punch holes in walls and doors, and scream obscenities at me at the top of her lungs. That is why I sent my ex home to Kentucky 10 years ago. She never touched me during our marriage, but she did threaten to kill me once during the divorce. She also said my daughter would be dead before I would ever get custody of her. She has mellowed out a little since then. My ex pops all sorts of anti-depressants and other pills. She goes to counseling on a weekly basis as well. She is a mess, but she denies that anything wrong in her life is her fault.



I am strict with my daughter. She knows my ground rules and knows I will punish her if she breaks them. Fortunately, my daughter is a sweetheart, does her chores and she is also a straight A student. She is taking all of the advanced courses available at her school. She is a happy and well-adjusted kid when she is with me. This isn't the case when she is with her mom.



When she lived with her mom, she had problems in school. She was kicked out of one Catholic school and was threatened with the same at the 2nd one. She was disruptive in class, and the teachers decided she had ADHD. When I returned from Korea three years ago, I found out a little about this. When I brought my daughter to Oklahoma for the first summer I found my ex-wife had her taking eight pills a day for ADHD, anxiety, stomach problems and sleeping problems. I also found that my ex had pinned my daughter against the wall by her throat once.



My daughter is now off of all the pills and has been for over two years. Her teachers love her, and she received academic awards the past two years. She received the award last year for the best American History student in the school. My daughter has made a huge turnaround in the past two years. I'd hate to see her lose all of that progress now that she is entering high school. It could destroy her future.



I completely disagree that my daughter needs to go live with her mom. I believe my daughter would either run away from home or my ex would be in jail for murder before I came back home.

 

[Casey B]

Focus on the bright point of the weekend, when you went to Church and felt better. That is a clue. Have you put everything in God's hands? Faith, my friend, will take away that stress.

 

[Kevin Palmer]

Nelson, I am very sorry to hear of your poor quality weekend, days like that simply suck rocks and there is nothing you can do about it.



Best of luck with all that is happening in your life at this time.



Hope you have a better day.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Hamradioextra, you seem to talk with authority about the dynamics that are and those that should be at play with Nelson, his ex, and their daughter including how each person should act towards the other. I have to ask: What do you feel gives you the authority to make such claims?



The way I see it is we don't really know them? We don't really know if there are "issues" with any of these three. We don't know the history other than the short bit that Nelson has shared.



Ham, I respect your general opinion and share your concern that bad parenting is a societal problem that has come to roost. But specific knee-jerk assertions like several you made aren't that helpful, IMHO.



TJR

 

[Nelson Atwell]

So far, today is going much better. Even though the stupid alarm kept me up last night, it allowed me to go in to work really early (5 a.m.) and find out that my assignment is only two years, instead of three. Also, I found out the location is much better too -- still in Poland, but not at a remote detachment like I feared.



I found out I will be one of only three USAF personnel in the country when I arrive. The other two are LtCols and they haven't been selected yet. The guy I spoke with believes I am the first enlisted USAF ever assigned to Poland (the USAF didn't exist in WWII). There will be US Army personnel there as well, so we won't be completely alone there. I'm going there to stand up an Advanced Distance Learning Center at the new NATO Joint Force Training Centre. It should be a good tour.



The A/C technician is on his way to pick up a new compressor fan at the warehouse. Thankfully, it was still under warranty, which saved me over $450. The whole repair bill looks like around $260. I can deal with that!

 

[Nelson Atwell]

C, regarding church. That is one of the constants in my family life. We go to church regularly every week, even when we are traveling. Unfortunately, my ex-wife won't step foot in churches anymore, so my daughter doesn't get that exposure when she is with her.



The only reason she went to Catholic schools is because her grandmother insisted. Spiritually my daughter benefited from going, but academically, she was a bit behind until she came here. She also is a bit disillusioned about her treatment in the Catholic schools. The church next door to the school taught love, patience and tolerance, but the school showed none of that towards her.