young children at our wedding issue... Help... (sorry long)

[Jose Santana]

We did not have children at our wedding except my immediate bro's and sisters because they had no one to babysit, everyone was at the wedding. They were instructed in advance to keep things under control.

I in turn have been to "no children" weddinggs and I understand totally.... and kept my children at home. It is nice sometimes to really not have tend children and have a good time



So my advice is Maybe your Brothers and sisters kids should be welcome due to circumstances but they gotta agree to mind thier own children... Dude the day goes by so damn fast you will not even have time to notice.... Good luck



Joseymack

 

[Bill V]

Dude the day goes by so damn fast you will not even have time to notice....

Amen to that! It goes fast, and you'll be beat! I forget the exact number, but I remember reading a while back that most wedding couples don't consummate the marriage on the wedding night (I think it was around 70%), just because they're so exhausted from the wedding day activities!

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Josey makes a good point.



If the issue is that you think kids might ruin your special day...that's not going to happen. If you are worried that grandma will be stuck watching the kids, well, that sounds like a sore subject that predates the wedding, and can be discussed with grandma and your bro and sis in law (or whomever the relations are)...she may enjoy watching the kids and you all are just projecting an issue. Bottomline, kids aren't that big a deal, the day will fly by, and they will neither make, nor break the day for you, and thinking otherwise just isn't realistic, IMHO.



TJR

 

[Johnny O]

$175, yeah that much per person seems way steep unless it includes an open bar and that's steep even then. Our reception was at a country club and it wasn't anywhere near that. I paid whatever per plate, maybe $45 I think, plus $X for the room, plus a separate bar tab that was about $1400. The places we looked at all had lower prices for a kid's plate.

 

[Josh Langel]

No kids. Other people here say a wedding is for family, all family. That's crap. A wedding is for two people, and two people only. The law requires someone to officiate and another for a witness. Total of 4 requiredat a wedding. The party, sometimes referred to as a reception, is a party. Adults only.

I totally disagree ... unless you don't have family or can't stand them, and in that case, it's a personal problem, then you may not have anyone there but a witness (what, are you getting married in a courtroom?).



Sounds like someone is miserable or has some kind of regret.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

BTW, folks, $175 isn't outrageous if this is all happening on Long-Guy-Lund!



Oh, sure, it's still outrageous, but not so much so if you are part of the bridge and tunnel crowd.

 

[Nelson Atwell]

My ex and I let kids of the immediate family (nieces and nephews) attend, but not kids of other families. Heck even we were kids back then (I was 25 and she was 19). Do whatever you guys want though, but make sure your fiancee completely agrees with this, since her brothers will be the ones missing the wedding. You sure don't want her to blame you for the next 50 years.

 

[Mark Grumpy]

Sounds like someone is miserable or has some kind of regret.

Nope - 22 years next month, no regrets. People only get married for convenience or religion. There are no other reasons. Love? You don't have to be married for that feeling. Mine was convenience, was the only way I could bring her to this country when I joined the military, have her travel with me from assignment to assignment. It also allowed me to reside off installation, which back then you could only do if you were married or an officer.



grump

 

[Josh Langel]

All I can say is that when I get married I want it to be a happy moment ... instead of worrying over formality or distractions. I want my family there. Unless you plan on marrying again, then make sure you make this one count ... it's about love, not how formal you can make it.



If one is too worried about the formality or superficial things at the ceremony, then what does that say about the marriage it self?

 

[Rachel Z]

I Want to thank everyone for their opinion: But lets clear something up it is not about the money. I just can’t see my nieces and nephews disrupting my other guests.

Rachel

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Rachel, if that's all it is, then instruct your bros and sis that you would appreciate the kids on their best behavior and enjoy the day.



It is unlikely that anything will happen with the kids that will spoil that. It's more likely to be a sore spot in your family for years to come if you don't make them welcome.



TJR

 

[Rachel Z]

TJR



Ask your self how you tell children under 2yrs to behave when they don’t understand what is going on around them. And how can you keep the best kid from acting out.

Rachel

 

[Rick Kent]

It sounds like the 2 of you have made up your minds and it is your right to choose who attends your wedding.



What many of us are stressing at this point is the future consequence of your decision. If you are ok with it then don't worry about what we think.

 

[Greg Stuhlsatz]

Weddings are a party and they will act out. They went crazy at my wedding.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Rachel, do you really think infants are going to spoil things? That's a serious question.



Again, I think you might have this unrealistically "perfect" view of your day. As I said, there will be at least a 1/2 a dozen things that happen that day that will seem catastrophic at the time, and a crying infant or a kid that throws a fit won't even rate on that scale.



I don't know your families kids, but most kids aren't really that big of a disruption, and I have seen some really, really bad kids, and even at their most disruptive they shouldn't really upset the day's events.



I know you want it to be perfect, but it won't be. Nor will your life together. Life is a series of moments, including those on your wedding day. I fear you will be very dissapointed with that day and your life together if you think you can plan each moment...instead, just live them and roll with the punches.



Good luck!



P.S ...the 6 catastrophes the day my wife and I got married:



1) I was ill from the rehearsal dinner and festivities the night before (I can't drink anything with Jack in its name).

2) We were paying for the reception and I forgot my checkbook

3) Best man lost the wedding bands...found them later

4) Wife's uncle who is kinda of a skinny, unshaven hermit-type, got drunk and proclaimed himself "Jesus" at the reception (kinda looks like him)

5) My grandmother died a month before the wedding

6) My 82 year old preacher, great-uncle officiated the ceremony and it was clear during the ceremony and confirmed afterwards that he was suffering from alzheimers....what a fiasco.



TJR

 

[Bill V]

TJR, I loved reading your list, and I totally agree, every wedding has such a list after the fact!



Mine:

1) Thunderstorm hit the day of our planned-to-be outdoor wedding and planned-to-be partially outdoor reception, forcing a rapid implementation of "Plan B".

2) My brother (best man) didn't have a tux until 15 minutes before photos started. Tux rental place sent the wrong size from their warehouse (and, seeing that he's 6'9", 350#, there aren't exactly lots of tuxes his size sitting around), and the express-shipped replacement arrived just in time. (To my brother's credit, he handled it without even letting us know about the problem until later; he realized we didn't need that distraction.)

3) Caterer dropped the top section of the wedding cake while setting it up.

4) The day before the wedding, my cousin went into labor three weeks early. (There were supposed to be three guests at the wedding 8+ months pregnant--we seriously considered having an OB/GYN there just in case.)

5) The aforementioned flower girl story.

6) Our vocalist came down with laryngitis 24 hours before the ceremony.

7) I screwed up my lines during the ceremony.

Preacher: "Bill, repeat after me: Michelle, take this ring..."

Me: "Michelle, take this ring..."

etc. etc. etc.

Preacher: "And now, Michelle, repeat after me: Bill, take this ring..."

Me (not Michelle): "Bill, take this ring...oops...I think that's your line..."



My sister's wedding had an event that topped any of those--on the way down the aisle, her now mother-in-law had a heel break, causing her to tear up tendons or something in her ankle, requiring surgery that night.

 

[Johnny O]

Not too many issues at either of my weddings.:lol:

The second time I wanted to go to Vegas and get married by Elvis but it was the first wedding for my wife so we did it in a church. Main thing I've learned from my job, most women have been planning for this day for their whole life and it must be perfect. And they get all stressed out as a result from worrying about every little detail. Wife #1 wanted a wedding and not a marriage, there is a difference (hate to say this, but mom was right). This time, well, we're both old enough that we didn't worry about a lot and told the country club, DJ, and photographer that we just wanted our friends to have fun. Fortunately my wife has a sense of humor too.



[Broken External Image]:

 

[Jenn D]

Rachel, I know EXACTLY how you feel. My real delimma was that I knew of Scott's nephews was a royal pain and has to be the center of attention. I did NOT want that at my wedding. I knew that the moment attention turned to us on our big day, he would go nuts. And he did. As I mentioned before, I just didn't notice. You may. Given this to do all over again, I still would not want the kids there. However, his family is very adimant about making sure everyone was invited. (Don't even let me get into the rehearsal dinner fiasco...) For me, it wasn't worth the reprocussions of NOT inviting them and having a lifetime of tension. Luckily for us everything worked out. My worst nightmares (and I had them) did not come true. It was a wonderful day and went by so freaking fast. I can't believe it's all over after a year of planning.......



sigh.....



E-mail me if you want to chat about it. I might be able to offer some insight and experiences.



Have a good one!

Jenn

 

[Todd Z]

I do want to thank everyone for their input...



Just some notes....



out of everyone invited about 6 guests are friends, there are close to 15 kids that would have to be invited, Remember ONLY Rachel's 2 brothers out of Everyone with kids has a problem with it...



The cost of everything here is crazy, welcome to NY... we could do the cheaper route of $100.00 a person, but NY weddings are totally different then other states weddings I have been to...Also I don't want to be married in a church and have a reception in a knights of Columbus gym....



everyone seems to be touching ON 2 of all our points, price and spoiling...

What about the kids being dumped on grandma at the reception....ALSO do you think a 3 year old will go past 7-8Pm any way, thus taking the kids parents from the reception...



As far as waiting till the kids are older, Rachel and I are on our 14th year together and 3rd year of being engaged.



The 100 person limit is there but we have a list of close to 150 people and we are only inviting 110 due to the cancellation factor....



Todd Z

 

[Thomas Rogers]

JennD said:

Luckily for us everything worked out. My worst nightmares (and I had them) did not come true. It was a wonderful day and went by so freaking fast. I can't believe it's all over after a year of planning.......

And also said:

Given this to do all over again, I still would not want the kids there.

I will never understand the logic of a woman.



Sorry, JennD, but you said yourself none of your nightmares came to be and it was a wonderful day, which means all your worries were for nothing. The key words there "all YOUR worries".



We as people tend to get too uptight and worry too much about things that are extremely unlikely to happen, and think of them happening in the worst possible light. Its simply a waste of time and energy. Ultimately there is very little in our control.



Why do we worry so much?



TJR