young children at our wedding issue... Help... (sorry long)

[Thomas Rogers]

Todd Z, I know where you are coming from. You live in a state and a part of the state, where the wedding reception is a thing of stature.



My wedding reception in upstate NY, catered, with open bar was at a nice reception hall. It was $12.50 per person...and that was 18 years ago. It's probably double that now.



It's all where you live and the impression you want to provide.



TJR

 

[Jenn D]

TJR, there is nothing wrong with me still not wanting children there, regardless of whether it was or was not bad. If the parents were advised to not bring children in the first place, I would not have had to worry at all.



You have to understand, for most people like myself and Rachel/Todd, this is a first wedding (and hopefully last). There are a lot of emotions like excitiment, happiness, and yes, even fear. It's natural for women especially to want things to be so wonderful that they worry about the possibilities of things going wrong. There's nothing wrong with me or anyone else, it's human nature.

 

[Darrel Chaney01]

No matter what anybody says. The wedding day is for the couple getting married and nobody else. It is not for the mother or mother in-law, for the in-laws or outlaws or the kids. The couple decides how the want the wedding to be and EVERYBODY else is responsible for seeing that that happens by following their wishes. If think kids should be in a wedding, check out any videos of weddings where kids are at. They distract from the couples day. Oh I have been married for a little over 31 years. I am saying this as a general rule. Some couples want them and that is fine, but when it is not on the invitation or told not to bring them, respect that. Good luck Todd, you'll need it



To anybody: Your feelings may vary, this is only mine.

 

[Thomas Rogers]

Jenn D, I'm sorry.



I didn't mean to offend you.



I assumed that the reason you didn't want kids at the event, before the event, was because of the things you feared they might do that would detract from the event. Then, you said that your fears weren't realized. You also said that you still wish you didn't have kids there. To me that all just seemed like a bit of illogical thinking...but when it comes to fears and emotions logic often takes a back seat.



I too am trying to point out human nature. I have never said there is anything WRONG with people feeling anything that they feel, or deciding this particular matter one way or the other.



I just point out, as you did with your experience, most of the time our fears are never realized. I don't think there is anything wrong with people experiencing and dealing with fear of what might be. It's when people react irrationally because of that fear that it is harmful.



Case-in-point: It is astronomically more likely that a wedding reception will be tarnished to a greater degree by some a-hole that has too much to drink at the open bar than it will be disrupted by a young child. So if the intent is to worry about these things and keep them from happening, most would have a dry reception. But, most don't. Instead, we live on the edge, roll the dice, and take our chances. Why? Because many people expect there to be alchohol, and it is part of the celebration. Maybe for those with kids, they think exactly the same way...they are expected to be included and part of the celebration.



Sorry if I offended anyone.



Todd and Rach, good luck! You have a tough choice. If you send out invitations that say "Adult Only" stick to your guns, but expect to roll with the punches if the kids show up.



Sounds like few will be upset with your decision if you go kidless. Just be ready for it to get petty if that's your decision.



TJR

 

[kil roy]

Todd,

i feel for you, i was in your position 14 years ago and still have

trouble with family over it because well they are family and felt

the kids should have been allowed to come.

because their kids couldnt come they didnt come and there is

a lot of resentment over it.



if i had it all to do over again, i would ELOPE

and save all that money we spent and put it to good use.



if you really want a reception have a big BBQ invite everyone

but charge admission and cpount that as wedding presents.

 

[Johnny O]

The 100 person limit is there but we have a list of close to 150 people and we are only inviting 110 due to the cancellation factor....

In that case I'd probably say no kids due to the space available (besides the other reasons, but you don't have to mention them). If the two brothers can't or won't come, then that leaves room for other people. They'll get over it. And if they don't, it's their problem not yours.

At my (last) wedding we were limited to about 100 people also because the bigger room at the club was already booked. The wife's family is small but I have a large and Italian family and my dad is a popular guy. Lot of adults we wanted to invite but didn't have the seats, so we sent invites out early and had an "A" and "B" list. As we got no-go's then we'd send an invite to the B list.

Around here at most weddings they do not invite young children. We weren't really opposed to the idea, but like you we just didn't have the room.

 

[WXMotorSports DecalsPartsAccs]

And, that is one of many reason the wife and I got married in Hawaii with only the Minister and the wedding coordinator as the witness. Much more intimate wedding on the beach at sunset than in front of too many people you have to feed.

 

[Jenn D]

TJR, no offense taken at all. I just wanted to clarify my position (if it's possible). I realize that this can be a touchy subject for all parties involved. I hoped by sharing my very recent experience that it might help.



SeattleSportTrac, by the time it was too late (deposits paid, committments made) we actually wished we had just run away. Regardless, it was nice and I don't regret a thing.